Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Alone in Kyoto - Air




Well here I am in Japan finally. I didn't know if I would really like Japan all that much but I must say I am pleasantly surprised. Miniature sizes, agressive toilets and beautiful scenery, its all part of the allure. I have been in Kyoto for a few days and now Osaka for a few days, then back to expensive Singapore tomorrow already.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Heatseeker - AC/DC

Let me tell you about a conversation I had the other week with the friendly lady at the Thai restaraunt I goto all the time at the local food hawker center. It went something like this:

Me: Pappaya Salad today.
Lady: You want it spicy?
Me: Of course
Lady: How spicy, a little spicy, spicy, or Tony Jaa spicy?
Me: What's Tony Jaa spicy?
Lady: Oh its spicy!
Me: Oh what the hell, let me try some Tony.
The lady smiled a devilishly evil crooked grin and I knew right there I was in for a world of hurt. Needless to say I could barely eat half of the plate before I went up to the counter returning my plate all red faced, with tears streaming down my face.
Me: What the hell did you put in this?
Lady: Its Tony Jaa! (stone faced, like I am supposed to know who the hell Tony Jaa is)
Me: But last time I got it spicy and it was good.
Lady: Ya, last time I only put 3 chilis in it. (the side dish salad is on an oval shaped saucer plate)
Me: And how many did you put in this time?
Lady: 6
Me: Jesus are you trying to kill me!
Lady: I told you its Tony Jaa.
Me: Well fuck you Tony Jaa!!

Smiling and laughing she sent me on my way, but I still didn't know who the hell Tony Jaa was. A few days later I was walking through a shopping center and I seen a movie poster for a Thai film called The Protector, and it starred guess who...Tony Jaa. He is one of those shit kicking asian action movie stars. You know the ones that I'm talking about...the ones that beat you senseless and then ask you to pass the salt! And if you dare to ask what he did that for, he ro-sham-bo's you and says "don't fuck with the jesus".

So that's the story of Tony Jaa, so if anyone ever mentions Tony Jaa to you in the future...RUN! Cuz either they are going to mess you up, or your food is going to be so spicy that you won't leave the toilet for a full day.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Think Twice - Groove Armada

I don't usually have many nice things to say about the Tory party in Canada, but kudos to them this week for sending top party officials this week to greet the Dalai Lama in Vancouver, against Chinese government wishes. But I almost feel ashamed to be Canadian over the comments made in this article by this douche, publishe by Canwest News Services in Canada. Remember that is a douche with a capital 'D', small 'ouch', and BIG fucking 'E'.

"OTTAWA - Prime Minister Stephen Harper, whose government has angered China by sending senior MPs to Vancouver to honour the Dalai Lama's visit, hasn't developed a clear policy towards Beijing, according to one of Canada's top China-watchers. But Paul Evans, co-chief executive of the federal government-funded Asia Pacific Foundation of Canada, said Canada has too much at stake to let relations deteriorate over issues such as human rights and the future of Tibet."

Are you fucking kidding me!!! You did not just say that.

Too much at stake to ignore such issues as, hmmm lets see...
1) Harvesting organs of religous prisoners, and selling them on the black market to fat ass American red neck, alcoholic, anti-abortion, anti-gay right, anti -'everything but drink yourself silly and go buy a new liver from unjustly imprisoned political activists in China' Americans.
2) Political Activists aka. 'foriegn journalist that come to our country and write bad shit about us' go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars (cuz a fellow inmate could cut your balls off for that amount of money, and bribe himself out of prison with that amount of money), go directly to jail.
3) And my personal favourite: If you show any kind of promise in sport by the age of 8, you are basically kidnapped from your family and tranferred to a "sport school" where you are pumped full of steroids by the age of 15 and groomed to be a gold medal winner or deemed a failure. How they determine sport ability is beyond me cuz anyone that has been to China knows that physical activity in schools consists of military style stretches in the courtyard and "eye exercises" in the classroom.
4) No Chinese person, or foreign expat living in China would have ever been able to read this article because it would have been blocked by the Commie Gov't deperatly trying to hold onto their control over the increasingly capitalistic masses. When I first went to China people could write their blogs without any hassles or problems. In today's China ALL blogs are blocked and unalbe to be opened.
AND we haven't even talked about Tibet yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I did a little research and thought I would paste this douche's email address on here so we could all email this douche and tell him how much of a douche he is for making these comments! paul.evans@asiapacific.ca And for added dramatic effect I have even included his picture so that we could all see how much of a douche he is.


Look at him and his douchey goatee, I want to tickle the thing, and then while he is giggling in his 'look at me I'm a douche way', I'll zonk him square in the nose! "This is for human rights!!" We can make him think twice about what he says next time.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Audience is Listening - Cut Chemist

"Who am I? I am the sterling silver ladle of justice pouring its foamy cream over the just picked strawberries of crime."

The day has come. After years of searching I have finally found it. 'The Tick'! The live action version of the cartoon, all 9 espidodes, that aired on Fox on 2001. Yes the same Fox that cancelled this brilliant show and another classic, Undeclared in the same year!

I got the episodes the other night and I have already watched them all, and I can't stop pissing myself laughing. As far as I'm concerned there is only one man that could have played the part of the magnanimous yet severely dim witted blue hero, and that was Patrick Warburton, Puddy from Seinfeld. He is perfect in the role. And the writing is hysterical.

Arthur: "yes I'm anal rententive!"
Tick: Good lord man, retain that anus. One day it's fruit will be the only thing that stands between us and total oblivion!"

"Agh, I stepped in gum....Sticky pink devil"

"Destiny dressed you this morning and now fear is trying to pull of your pants."

Clerk: "I dont have all day you know"
Ticke: "Well I do, you can half of mine. We'll share."